In June 2020, my first novel was published by Walrus Publishing, a division of Amphorae Publishing Group, and--despite coming out during COVID, and having zero marketing budget (it's a small press), I manage to sell 1300 copies, which was a pretty impressive haul, and I am proud and delighted at the positive response to the story I was trying to tell. I WILL BE OKAY was about two boys falling in love despite objections (or perceived objections) from their families, and the framing device is attendance at a concert in Asbury Park, watching the late-era emo band The World is a Beautiful Place play. There was an earlier version of the novel that I wrote back when I got my MA in Writing in 2008-09 that revolved around attendance at an Arcade Fire concert at the Bowery Ballroom in 2003, but by the time I started re-writing "I WILL BE OKAY" in an attempt to publish, circa 2016 or so, setting it in 2003 would have made it no longer contemporary, and I didn't really care for Arcade Fire anymore, so I didn't want to write about them. The World Is seemed a perfect substitute, as I was really into them at the time, and also, a high school indie rock kid in 2016 would be really into them as well (as evidenced by the age of the crowds I would watch them with when I saw them live). Now, in 2026 I feel about The World Is the same way I felt about Arcade Fire in 2016 (that is to say, the band's music has changed and I don't care for this version at all) but back then, their songs really appealed to me, and those songs, from the first album (only) and the EPs and singles that were released before/around the same time were amazing (and still hold up really, really well). 

The original Arcade Fire version was titled Us Kids Know, which was a line from "No Cars Go" off their first EP. Obviously that wouldn't work for this new version. So, while switching the band at the center (and the backstory of the characters, their families, pretty much everything except the attraction that forms the tension of the novel), I needed a line from one of their songs to capture the feeling of the novel as the new title. I went with "I Will Be OK...Everything". Which is the ending chorus of this very song, off a 4-song EP that also includes a song titled "I Will Be OK...Everything" (which does not include that line in the song). I made that phrase the "mantra" repeated by my narrator throughout (some might say too much), as a way to talk himself down from the stresses of his teen traumas, and when my agent attempted to get it published that was the title. Amphorae asked me to change it to the final version I WILL BE OKAY and I thought that worked better. But that's where the name came from. This very song. One of my top 100 favorite songs ever, and one of two by this band in the top 100.

"Wait... What?" - The World is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die // Are Here to Help You (2011)

I was valedictorian of my high school class. It's not something I talk about. It's not something I'm particularly proud of, truly. Or as proud as I should have been. I was an idiot in high school. I mean I get that most high schoolers are idiots but I truly thought--or maybe just hoped--that spending hours upon hours doing homework and studying and projects and getting straight A's would add meaning or import to my life. Or more than it actually did. I get that, truly, I was blessed with intelligence and a work ethic that has allowed me a comfortable life. But I'm not "proud" of my accomplishments because of what I gave up. I didn't party in high school. I think the first "parties" I ever attended were graduation parties, which were--technically--after high school. I didn't have a ton of friends, I didn't have a ton of "fun," and it's not all because I was studying (I was also quite shy and introverted and hiding my sexuality) but I fell back on my brains as a crutch of sorts, because there was always more homework I could do on a Friday night rather than go out and have fun. And that's why I was valedictorian. 

I mean it's a cool little trivia about my life, sure. But of the things I'm proud of, it's pretty low on the list of accomplishments. What's high on the list? Publishing 2 novels. Finding my partner. Raising a (dog) daughter. Having wonderful, lasting friendships with great people. Going to Brooklyn on a Tuesday night in the snow in February for a concert at age 54. That's pretty fucking awesome to me. Was I really smart in high school? Sure. Did it matter? Not as much as you might think. 

"Bushels" - Frog Eyes // Tears of the Valedictorian (2007)

The highest Sigur Ros song to make this chart. Just a fascinating band, in retrospect. From Iceland. Their first albums, if I recall, were not only not in English but also not Icelandic, but instead in a fictional language created by Jonsi that he dubbed Icelandish. And the music -- a mix of post-rock and orchestral movements, with his high-pitched sing/squealing in a made up language. Their biggest album was untitled (referred to instead as "( )" and all the tracks were untitled. It just shouldn't work. I don't know how it did, or why it did. But it did.

"Hoppipolla" - Sigur Ros // Takk... (2005)

Will Toledo recorded several albums on his own, in high school, before the full band version of Car Seat Headrest formed and got a huge indie hit out of "Drunk Drivers / Killer Whales". So right at the height of the success of the back-to-back albums Teens of Denial / Teens of Style, he re-recorded one of his earlier solo releases with the full band, Twin Fantasy. And it was truly brilliant. Three songs from that re-recorded album made this list, including 2 in the top 100.

(and I was at this show where this video was recorded - they are truly magical live, furry costume and all)

"Bodys" - Car Seat Headrest // Twin Fantasy (2018)

This is the song of the 2010s for me. Not that it's the best of all the songs released in that decade (it's not). But the time and place and memories of this song mean everything to me. I don't remember the year for sure. 2017, maybe 2018? The first time my partner and I went on vacation together--at least a "flying somewhere and spending a week" style vacation and of course, I took him to my favorite vacation destination: Manhattan Beach, California. Sure, we did some tourist-y stuff in LA and I took him to Rodeo Drive (he wasn't impressed) and we went to the clubs in WeHo with my friend who lived around the block and I think we did Universal Studios at the end of it, which I mostly remember as waiting for 2 hours in the scorching sun for the Harry Potter ride where I had to close my eyes the entire time because motion sickness BUT what I remember most, from that vacation, and from that decade, is walking into a men's clothing / bathing suit shot with him in downtown Manhattan Beach, a couple blocks from the ocean, and while he shopped, I sat on this bench and listened to this specific song playing on the speakers in the store--excellent fucking taste--and it is just such a perfect "beach" song, such a perfect chill vacation / beautiful weather / surf / skate / love song, at least to me,  both before and after that moment, that I have never forgotten it, even if I don't remember the name of the shop (it closed a couple years later). In the 2010s I met my partner AND I discovered Manhattan Beach and both things mean the world to me (well, mostly my partner at this point) but this song brought them together and I'll remember that feeling forever.

(By the way,  I think it was after that time that I discovered that Real Estate -- with all their California beach vibes -- were from Jersey lol, just like me)

"It's Real" - Real Estate // Days (2011)