#108 (of 365) "That Joke isn't Funny Anymore" The Smiths

You know, it's odd. I don't remember college. Specifically the classes I took, the professors, what we learned. Not really. I could name a couple professors probably. And I have a few specific memories here and there--the massive lecture hall in Psychology 101 that you needed to make it on time to, or the professors would shame you when you entered late, often kicking you out of the class, so people who arrived late would cram into the little alcove by the entrance so they could at least hear the lecture; at least until he noticed this effect during one class mid-semester and lost his shit on everyone in the alcove. And here's the thing: I don't think I was ever in the alcove but maybe I was, maybe that's why I remember it so deeply? I also vaguely remember getting yelled at for talking in class, because I vaguely remember knowing someone else in the class (perhaps from my dorm, I don't know--I have no idea who that person was and in fact, other than my suite mates, I don't remember many of my friendships from freshman year because they didn't last past freshman year--like, I can't even remember their names). And I kind of think we got kicked out of class for talking in class, but I'm again, not sure if that happened to me or is a memory of me watching someone else leave the class in shame (I think it's the latter, but again, I'm not sure). So it's less that I don't remember college but that everything is hazy. And I'm not entirely sure what happened to me or to others.

So it's crazy the things I do remember. And I remember so well (as I think I've mentioned here before) walking around campus with my Walkman and headphones in, spring semester freshman year, listening to The Smiths. And I remember this song meaning a lot to me, lyrically. And I assume (in retrospect) it had very much to do with my closeted sexuality at the time, and that's why this song spoke to me - the "it's too close to home and it's too near the bone, more than you've ever known." But I'm not entirely sure. It's all hazy now. Which is okay I guess. It's been more than 30 years since I graduated college. That's a long time. This is still a great song.

Park the car at the side of the road
You should know
Time's tide will smother you
And I will too
When you laugh about people
Who feel so very lonely
Their only desire is to die
Well, I'm afraid
It doesn't make me smile
I wish I could laugh
But that joke isn't funny anymore
It's too close to home
And it's too near the bone
It's too close to home
And it's too near the bone
More than you'll ever know

It was dark as I drove the point home
And on cold leather seats
Well, it suddenly struck me
I just might die with a smile on my face after all

I've seen this happen in other people's lives
And now it's happening in mine
I've seen this happen in other people's lives
And now it's happening in mine
I've seen this happen in other people's lives
And now it's happening in mine
I've seen this happen in other people's lives
And now it's happening in mine, oh

"That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore" - The Smiths // Meat is Murder (1984)